Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Focus groups planned December 3, 2024
Beef + Lamb New Zealand is holding focus group workshops in the South next year.
Presidency an honour and privilege December 3, 2024
Gill Naylor. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Reporter Shawn McAvinue spends five minutes with... Rural Women New Zealand member Gill Naylor, of Alexandra, who recently stepped down as the organisation’s national president.
Shawn McAvinue
Making a splash in the advisory field December 3, 2024
Otago Regional Council catchment adviser Jack Mathieson spends a lot of his week through the warmer months conducting stream health assessments for rural landowners in Otago. PHOTO: ALICE SCOTT Jack Mathieson spent his childhood fossicking in Southland creeks, now as a 24-year-old he gets paid to do just that as a catchment adviser for the […]
Alice Scott
Hopes higher cattle prices here to stay December 3, 2024
Vendors Marion and Colin Corbett watch the Balclutha cattle sale last week. PHOTOS: SHAWN MCAVINUE Steadier pasture growth and beef prices gave buyers confidence to bid up at the Balclutha cattle sale, a stock agent says.
Shawn McAvinue
Call goes out for more volunteers December 3, 2024
Volunteers from Otago Student Volunteer Army, UniCrew and Volunteer South clean flood debris from fencing on a farm near Owaka in October. PHOTO: OTAGO STUDENT VOLUNTEER ARMY A call is being made for emergency volunteers to help during times of need and after an adverse events.
Shawn McAvinue
Stormwater justice clearly what is needed for South Dunedin December 3, 2024
South Dunedin from Cliffs Rd, St Clair. PHOTO: GREGOR RICHARDSON South Dunedin’s stormwater management needs to be addressed Julian Doorey writes.
Making the wool industry great again December 3, 2024
I hope I’m not exceeding my brief when I start by mentioning the recent United States election as I find it rather fascinating how the results come down to the votes of the swing states also known as the battleground states and whoever wins their electoral votes wins the election.
Whiskey and world No 5 on show December 3, 2024
Players at the MLT Teachers’ Whiskey Tournament making the most of a spectacular day. PHOTO: GERRIT DOPPENBERG The sun was shining, the bowls were flying, and the competitive spirit was alive and well at the Mataura Licensing Trust’s Teacher’s Whiskey Tournament.
Gerrit Doppenberg
Hopping the Ditch to face the best December 3, 2024
Sheldon Bagrie-Howley bowls at the MLT Teacher’s Whisky Tournament in Gore last week, ready to head away for another international tournament. PHOTO: GERRIT DOPPENBERG Not set with just being the fifth-best bowler in the world, one Gore player is in Melbourne this week to compete against the best of the best.
Gerrit Doppenberg
Road funding shortfall ‘significant safety concern’ December 3, 2024
A Southern mayor fears lives could be at risk amid a funding shortfall for the region’s roads.
Matthew Rosenberg