Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Man cleared of filming sex without consent January 30, 2025
A man has been cleared of making Snapchat videos while having sex with a woman he met on Tinder after his lawyer argued she was too drunk to remember giving consent.
Boys’ High crush Cubs by 130 runs January 30, 2025
Southland Boys' High School beat the Metropolitan Cubs by 130 runs in round eight of the Southland Club Cricket 40-over competition last Saturday.
Rain hindrance for Invercargill racer January 30, 2025
Alex Crosbie, of Invercargill, during the 2025 Castrol Toyota Formula Regional Oceania Championship. PHOTO: GEOFF RIDDER It was very much a race of two halves for Invercargill driver Alex Crosbie in his Castrol Toyota FT-60 during Round 3 of the 2025 Castrol Toyota Formula Regional Oceania Championship (CTFROC) at Manfeild Circuit Chris Amon in Feilding […]
Mazda racing series’ national title race to begin at Teretonga Park January 30, 2025
An exciting interisland battle looms as the Nexen Tyre NZ Mazda Racing Series heads to Teretonga Park in Invercargill this weekend for round one of its national series.
Champ dominates NZ Grand Prix January 30, 2025
Jarred Fletcher leads the pack at Riverside. PHOTO: CLARE MCMURDO/SUPPLIED One title that has always eluded Jarred Fletcher is the New Zealand Saloon Grand Prix, and the back-to-back National Saloon Champion was determined to turn the tide on his fortune at Aotea Electric Riverside Speedway last Saturday.
Camping out for the challenge? Rebooth will happily take your tent January 30, 2025
Rebooth co-founder Maddison Booth and her father Gavin are collecting donated tents that will allow people to afford a family holiday without the expense. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Donate your tent to a worthy cause, this is Rebooth's latest mission.
Event a journey of freedom and friendship January 30, 2025
Oz trike owner Mark Devery says peace and positive mental health are two of the benefits of the Burt Munro Challenge. Thousands of Burt Munro Challenge participants brave the inaugural challenge because of their lust for speed and thrills.
Nina Tapu
US-bound refugees stuck in Australia after Trump freeze January 30, 2025
Tony Burke. Photo: Getty Images Dozens of refugees who arrived in Australia by boat a decade ago and expected to resettle in the United States have been affected by the Trump Administration's freeze on refugee programs, an Australian official said.
Motorcyclists heed the call for the ‘Burt’ January 30, 2025
PHOTO: GREAT SOUTH Every year the Burt Munro Challenge calls on the wild and free to take part in New Zealand's southernmost prestigious motorsport event.
Nina Tapu
Calling all southern creatives January 30, 2025
Creatives from all over the south are invited to take part in the third Night of the Arts (NoTA).