Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Drunk nabbed for using scaffolding as monkey bars March 3, 2025
The man was spotted climbing around Dunedin's Municipal Chambers. Photo: ODT Files A man apparently drunk on a Monday night was spotted swinging from the Dunedin Municipal Chambers' scaffolding.
Laine Priestley
Investigation launched after man hit by vehicle on SH6 dies March 3, 2025
An investigation has been launched into the death of a man on State Highway 6 after he was struck by a vehicle in Gibbston Valley on Monday night.
Driver charged with manslaughter over 11-year-old cyclist's death March 3, 2025
A woman has been charged with manslaughter after an 11-year-old girl was fatally hit by a car in Hawke's Bay earlier this year.
Double-fatal crash driver 'under influence of drugs': police March 3, 2025
Police have charged a 20-year-old driver who allegedly caused the deaths of two of his passengers in Canterbury earlier this year.
'The smell was absolutely revolting': Rubbish dumping peeves off residents March 3, 2025
Some of the litter collected by volunteers this month. Photo: Supplied / Litter-Free Ashburton Illegal rubbish dumping in Canterbury has raised the ire of a town’s volunteer beautification group.
Toni Williams
Man dies after being hit by car in Gibbston Valley March 3, 2025
An investigation has been launched into the death of a man on State Highway 6 after he was struck by a vehicle in Gibbston Valley last night.
'The vehicle split in half': Driver charged after fatal Canterbury crash March 3, 2025
Police have charged a 20-year-old Canterbury driver who allegedly caused the deaths of two of his passengers in January.
Orcas in harbour 'sight to behold' March 3, 2025
Seeing a pair of orcas in Otago Harbour was a "once in a lifetime thing" for a visitor to Dunedin.
Laine Priestley
Witnesses to Canterbury highway assault sought March 3, 2025
Photo: File image Police investigating an assault on the side of State Highway 1 in Canterbury are calling for witnesses to come forward.
Brisbane braces for 'significant disaster' as cyclone approaches March 3, 2025
A "significant disaster event" looms as a tropical cyclone zeros in on a densely populated part of Australia's coast for the first time in 50 years.