Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Clinic aiming to lessen stray kittens December 21, 2024
Little cutie ... Playful seven week-old rescue kitten Holly enjoys her first experience of the Cat Rescue Dunedin clinic this week, in the care of vet nurse Brenna Gould (right) and volunteer Jordan Cuttriss. PHOTO: BRENDA HARWOOD As kitten season starts to ramp up, Cat Rescue Dunedin is hopeful that its newly established desexing clinic […]
Doctor puts life on the wards into words December 21, 2024
Exciting new chapter ... Dunedin-based doctor and writer Mira Harrison, who trained in the British NHS system, is pictured at the United Kingdom launch of her debut novel One in Three last month. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Love, loss and life in hospitals during the 1980s are explored in the debut novel of Dunedin doctor and author […]
School finally has a ‘community space’ December 21, 2024
Ardgowan School students Prue Leckie, 9, and Franklin Hattingh, 10, and principal Ryan Fraser are excited to make use of their new outdoor learning structure. PHOTO: NIC DUFF For the first time in almost a decade, Ardgowan School has a "community space".
Nic Duff
Reminder to stay off breakwater December 21, 2024
Looking across Sandy Bay to the Oamaru Breakwater. PHOTO: BRENDON MCMAHON About 1200 people have been ordered off Oamaru Harbour’s breakwater in the past year.
Brendon McMahon
Rotary club to mark centennial next year December 21, 2024
The Rotary Club of Oamaru members (from left) Ele Ludemann, Helen Webster, president Malcolm Walker and Jim Hopkins at the newly opened water play area at the Oamaru public gardens. The club pledged $15,000 to the upgrade of the children’s playground in 2022. PHOTO: JULES CHIN The Rotary Club of Oamaru has a "very proud […]
Jules Chin
Pupils ‘loving’ on-site food tech classes December 21, 2024
Weston School year 8 pupils Mason Wrenn (left) and Flyn McLaren, both 13, make use of their kitchen classroom. PHOTO: NIC DUFF Let them cook.
Nic Duff
Restricted fire season on way December 21, 2024
Fire restrictions have been put in place as temperatures rise and vegetation and riverbeds dry. PHOTO: SUPPLIED A restricted fire season is on the way for Coastal Waitaki, the only question is when.
Coffee cart in place to refuel Luggate brigade December 21, 2024
Getting their coffees from Lucille and Dot Anderson before their Monday night trainings are Luggate fire brigade members (from left) Rod Anderson, Jacob Cook, Narinder Singh and Matt Anderson. PHOTO: RAWAN SAADI Luggate fire brigade volunteers have a snazzy new fueling station to help get them through their training nights and callouts.
Students find good homes for forgotten toy birds December 21, 2024
Children at Holmes Kindergarten got to try out their new duck and penguin toys donated by Waitaki Boys’ High School earlier this week. PHOTO: NIC DUFF Waitaki Boys’ High School has donated wooden duck and penguin toys to the Oamaru Kindergarten Association.
Nic Duff
Addstaff tots up quarter century December 21, 2024
Jane Bamford, left, and Kim Hamilton. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Queenstown's oldest employment agency turned 25 this year.
Philip Chandler