Tory Whanau may have to sell Wellington mayoralty to make ends meet September 20, 2024
Tory Whanau has revealed that she’s struggling so much financially that she may have to part with her beloved mayoralty, that of New Zealand’s capital city, if she’s to fund her ever-diminishing lifestyle. Whanau was elected to lead Wellington in 2022, winning an overwhelming victory against the incumbent mayor: the evil version of Jason Gunn. […]
Ben Uffindell
Ukrainian militia receives defective shipment of pagers that just send and receive messages September 18, 2024
There’s been a major setback for one Ukrainian-backed militia on the Russian border, after the group ordered a large shipment of pagers to use as improvised explosive devices. The plan was to litter the pagers throughout abandoned homes and buildings in hopes of wounding Russian soldiers. But upon arrival of the shipment, routed through the […]
Ben Uffindell
Government directs Te Puni Kōkiri to conduct Māori Language Week in English September 17, 2024
The coalition government has issued a directive to Te Puni Kōkiri, the Ministry of Māori Development, instructing them that – in the interests of clear communication – they are to conduct this year’s Māori Language Week primarily or exclusively in English. The directive is in line with the Government’s policy – signaled when they came […]
Ben Uffindell
Government celebrates fact that New Zealand’s healthcare is so good people are queuing up for it at 5am September 17, 2024
At yesterday’s post-cabinet press conference, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, flanked by his Health Minister Shane Reti and someone we can’t independently verify was a real sign language interpreter, announced that he had some positive news for the country. “Alright team, I’m just going to hand over to uh, Dr. Shane, because I think he’s got […]
Ben Uffindell
Heartwarming: Thoughtful driver uses indicator to tell you what they’ve just done September 17, 2024
It’s 4:10pm in the morning, and you’re in the middle lane heading north on the great southern motorway of our nation’s capital, Auckland. There are no cars directly in front of you, but quite a few in the lane to your left. Suddenly, without warning, a black ute enters your lane, cutting in front of […]
Ben Uffindell
NPC teams will now be allowed to actually use the Ranfurly Shield in play September 17, 2024
Following decades of controversy, the governing body of New Zealand rugby, New Zealand Rugby, has ruled that the team currently holding the Ranfurly Shield may once again use it in play during the National Provincial Championship (NPC). The ruling restores the utility of a prize that for many years was rendered merely symbolic, after the […]
Ben Uffindell
Police say they won’t respond to bomb threats anymore as ‘it’s never anything’ September 16, 2024
Police Commissioner Andrew Coster says that New Zealand’s police force will no longer respond to bomb threats, in an attempt to cut costs and redirect police resources to less boring activities. Coster said that threat response and bomb disposal was a “fairly obvious” area for downsizing, as bomb threats are “never anything”, a “huge waste […]
Ben Uffindell
Air New Zealand flight attendant named CEO after one year on job November 30, 2021
New Zealand’s national carrier, Air New Zealand, has expressed great enthusiasm in announcing its new CEO today: 51-year-old Nathan Guy, a flight attendant who has spent about 1200 hours on the job. Guy joined the company as a fresh-faced, wide-eyed flight attendant serving now-reduced domestic routes in November of 2020, and has since spent a […]
Ben Uffindell
National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian bargain with Satan November 26, 2021
National Party president Peter Goodfellow is today issuing a strong denial on behalf of the party’s board, saying they did not, at any point, agree to the Faustian bargain that National leader Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself. When Collins became the leader of the National Party […]
Ben Uffindell
Super Saturday recap: Patrick Gower doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do October 16, 2021
It was Aotearoa’s first national day of action in over ten years, the first since 2010, when Prime Minister John Key tried to inspire us to clean up our nation’s berms. It didn’t work. Today, New Zealand’s berms are worse than ever. But history is not destiny, and other cliches. Today, we tried again, this […]
Ben Uffindell

Hoiho unable to stop Kahu onslaught November 21, 2024
Southern Hoiho guard Paige Bradley brings the ball down the court under pressure from Northern Kahu guard Chloe Forester at the Edgar Centre last night. PHOTO: GREGOR RICHARDSON The Northern Kahu have reminded everyone why they are the defending champions.
Kayla Hodge
Southland dementia patients sedated due to lack of care options November 21, 2024
Photo: File A Southland doctor says he has had to sedate dementia patients due to a lack of care options in rural areas.
Australian teen dies from tainted alcohol in Laos November 21, 2024
Vang Vieng, the Laos town where four people have now died from drinking methanol-tainted alcohol. Photo: Getty Images An Australian teenager has died after drinking alcohol contaminated with methanol in Laos.
Mayor: Making Bluff a hub for tourism November 21, 2024
Nobby Clark. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Another great day for Bluff and aquaculture occurred late last week.
Construction on barns near national park yet to begin November 21, 2024
Almost two years after receiving approval to build 7260sqm wintering barns near a national park, construction has yet to start.
It’s time to celebrate Scotland’s patron saint November 21, 2024
Highland dancers perform at the St Andrews Day concert at the Invercargill Scottish Hall last year. PHOTO: SUPPLIED A concert celebrating St Andrew and Scotland will be held this Saturday at the Scottish Hall.
Nina Tapu
Southland's hidden quake-prone crust uncovered November 21, 2024
Photo: Getty Images University of Otago researchers have recorded earthquakes up to 40km deep in Southland, uncovering evidence of hidden faults in one of the country's least seismically active regions.
Step up and sing out November 21, 2024
Gospel Plus choir members after singing for Rowena Jackson Independent Living residents in Invercargill last year. PHOTO: SUPPLIED Helping people find their voice through gospel singing has added a new dimension to the life of one Southland music director.
Nina Tapu
Windsor shoe store to close doors November 21, 2024
After 35 years in the Windsor Shopping Village, Rogerson's Footwear owner Rex Sinclair has decided to give the shoe shop business the boot in favour of retirement. More than eight decades after Windsor shoe shop opened its doors, Rogerson’s Footwear owner Rex Sinclair will close them for the final time on December 13.
Ten more chapters just flowed November 21, 2024
Highlands Motorsport Park owner Tony Quinn celebrates hosting the New Zealand Grand Prix for the first time in Cromwell in February. PHOTO: ODT FILES Motorsport enthusiast and businessman Tony Quinn has added 10 chapters to his book Zero to 60 and Beyond. He answers a few questions about the book and his life.